11 Things 2020 Taught Me By Staying Home.
There is no doubt that is has been a very eventful year. From the introduction of COVID-19, to our reaction and response to it, from the discovery of racial injustice to division caused by the election process, I can proudly say that … We made it!
I am literally writing this on 12.31, the last day of 2020 because I have tried writing this last week (twice!) and have not found the right way to convey my message to you in an authentic way. Why? Perhaps because in your time, comes a full on discovery of my impatience, my fears and my limiting beliefs.
#StayHome #StaySafe is the hashtag of this year and might very well be the hash tag for next year. But even thought we know that staying home is helping medical professionals find a cure, I’m sure you have realized that being home have taught us a lot more than just being safe.
It has taught us so much more.
Here’s what I have learned from the year of 2020:
1. I learned to be patient
In this modern and technologically advanced age where ordering food can be made (and tracked) on your phone and everything happens behind the scenes, being a patient human being is NOT what we have learned pre-2020. But this year we are all challenged to wait and see. Wait and see on the lockdown, the vaccine, the stimulus check and when we will all be able to experience the “new normal”. The best thing about being patient in 2020 is … we are doing it together. We are alone together, we must wait together, and we must stand with each other to get through to the end.
2. I learned to embrace imperfection
The first thing I learned when I was working from home in the first month is … that my home is NOT perfect. I found every little thing in my house that was not right, even though we just moved in a year ago. All I wanted to do was to paint walls, change ceilings and buy furniture. Of course that was not a great financial decision at this uncertain times, so I tried something else. I tried to embrace the imperfections of my home. I learned that because my basement office has no windows, it gave me the opportunity to move upstairs and take a walk in between meetings. We also started to eat outside when the weather was warm. But most importantly, I learned that embracing imperfection is embracing what is different, fun and creative about my life. If everything was perfect, then I don’t get to see the variety in my daily activities.
3. I learned to live in uncertainty
One of my coaches once taught me to live in curiosity when I am clouded with uncertainty. Meaning, try to focus on what life is bringing to us today, instead of worrying what life will bring to us tomorrow, next week, next month or next year. As we approach the new year of 2021 (tomorrow!), I know that most of us are wanting this pandemic to be over. We don’t enjoy living not knowing, we like to plan for the worst and even for the best. We like to be prepared because we are afraid to fail. But 2020 taught us that everything that we have done to prepare, we have failed. The release and the tightening of the lockdown, and everything we hoped for, the vaccine even though is coming along, still have shown no clarity. There is nothing we can do today but to be curious about the present. But what about what we have in front of us that we can learn more about? What have our family, our work, our self care, our home, the things we have … have taught us about us? That is what uncertainty is for. For you to direct your focus on what you know … today.
4. I learned about racial injustice
First of all, I am not an expert in this topic. I grew up in Indonesia where as a Chinese descent, I know what racism is like, but I have accepted it because it was engrained in our everyday life. But what has happened in 2020 in America towards the African American / Black community is something revolutionary not only for America but potentially for the world. Racial injustice is a blindfold that have been put across the eyes of the government and the justice system from way back when. Don’t quote me but I’d say that this is a pre-programming that has gone for generations and people today have not even realized it since they have not broken generational patterns. For #BlackLivesMatter, I can only pray and hope that the next year of 2021 brings you even more clarity to what you are fighting for. I hope that slowly the blindfold can be unraveled and removed so that all can see you.
5. I learned about budgeting
You would think that staying at home would allow us to save money because we eat at home, don’t drive to work and don’t go shopping. This has proven to be absolutely wrong. It is too easy to shop online. We have bought more groceries, ordered more food and more “just in case” items from Amazon like no other. I shied away from budgeting for a while now because I didn’t want to have anxiety from spending money, but this has to stop. And here’s what I learned about budgeting from YNAB. Budgeting is not about limiting how much you spend, it’s about increasing your awareness on what you spend and how much. If you could just be aware of what hit your bank account (not just how much you have), you are immediately more aware when you are about to go over budget on that next DoorDash order.
6. I learned to allocate time for activities in and outside of work
Nine to five used to be allocated for one thing and one thing only … work. Being an IT consultant working in a client office full time, you definitely don’t want to be browsing your Facebook or be on your phone double tapping in the middle of billable hours. But working from home changed everything. Being that my office and my home is only a staircase away, it allowed me to take a 10 minute break having make believe tea with my daughter, cooking an actual meal for lunch and then leaving for work at 5 to go on a walk. I understand that many of you may actually still have to go to work or are doing essential work. Thank you for your dedication. Or maybe you have lost your job because of the pandemic. I can understand that this may be tough for you. But consider this, how have your activities changed because of the pandemic? Is there a new habit that you have adopted in 2020 that you can be grateful for? This is how I’ve learned about the gaps in my 9–5 that can be filled with meaningful time that is aligned to my values.
7. I learned that even though the virus roams free, seasons still change
Here’s the most beautiful part about the pandemic. It may sounds silly in the beginning but for a while, I actually felt like the world stood still when the pandemic was introduced and the lockdown was in effect. That for some reason, it would continue to be the spring season until further notice. But obviously, I was wrong. Weather still got warmer, wind still blew harder and the cold still seeped in. And we are now expecting snow in Kansas. God and the universe still wants us to continue with our lives. We still get to mow the grass, pick up the leaves and sit on our pajamas all day covered in blanket when it’s 10 degrees outside. We still get to be human beings living in our seasons of change despite of the coronavirus. And that, is 1 point for humanity.
8. I learned to network through social media
Being the guy who likes to meet new people over coffee, the lockdown made it impossible for me to do that. Even though I do not agree 100% with the way social media makes money, they do a really good job of allowing people to create communities. I learned that Facebook Groups and Reddit are great places to join a group of people with similar interests. Reddit in particular because of their “karma” points that allow / disallow people to post if they have been providing a lot of negative comments. At the end of the day, I’ve realized that it really doesn’t matter how you meet people, and when text messaging and video chat is the only way to meet, it sure makes it a lot easier to connect.
9. I learned that I deserve to get whatever I desire
I am a grateful person. I am also confident that you are too. As a grateful person, it does not mean that I don’t get moments where I am ungrateful, unhappy or dissatisfied with my self, the people around me or the things that I have. Things we have can bring us joy, but happiness is an inside job. I have learned that the only way things can bring us joy is when we believe that it is happening for us, that we deserve to have it and that we are doing it for ourselves, and not for others. So if you didn’t get what you wanted out of 2020, I hope that in the next year, you will change your perspective. I hope that you believe that you deserve it, and that you understand why you want it for yourself. When you have it, remember that it is given only for you, not for the validation of others.
10. I learned that fulfillment doesn’t come from working hard, it comes from being aligned
One of the main struggles I have with working from home during the pandemic is being productive. That feeling you get when you end your day realizing that you have done absolutely nothing productive and that your day was just an empty hole of nothing and now you are … bored. My son knows that he is not allowed to say this word and he also knows that it is his responsibility to get himself “un-bored”. As an adult, being bored is more than not knowing what to do, it is also about what we have done for ourselves. And here’s what I found. Burning hours to do as much as you can for your work, your business, your workout or even your family is useless unless you find … alignment.
The feeling of accomplishment comes from completing something well, but the feeling of fulfillment comes when that something is aligned to your own values. You don’t have to do a lot to be fulfilled, you just have to do your best for every thing that you value.
11. I learned to be … me.
I am a father. I am a husband. I am a consulant. I am a man. These are the things that I put upon myself as labels to make it easier for me to behave when I am putting myself in a particular role. From movies, books, stories, my own role model, I know how to behave for each of these roles. But it is not enough to just fill the role as society or our parents taught us to be. We also need to be ourselves. I need to be me. You need to be you. In 2019, I anticipated 2020 as the year of clarity and alignment (I mean just look at the numbers!) and for some of us, we have been charged with the toughest year to date. As everything is happening around us, for us or against us, you shall never forget who you are. 2020 is the year of clarity because it gives us the opportunity to stay home and wipe that fogged view of who you are. It is the year of alignment because it gives us the opportunity to spend more time on the things that we value.
2020 is my year, your year and our year. It is a gift from God and the universe to all of us. It is a year with the gift of time.
Thank you 2020.
