3 Reasons Why You Need to Pursue What You Want In Your Life
What do you want to be when you grow up?
As children, we get asked this question as soon as we can comprehend a question. Often our answer depends on what interests us at the time. In this modern information age, it may be what YouTube videos suggests most often, but can also be as authentic as what we see our parents or what people around us are doing. Sometimes children do not know the intention behind what interests them, but they do know that it’s fun to do. This is the great thing about being a child. You just say what you want, who you want to be, just because you like it. But often times when we grow up, all that authenticity gets chipped away bit by bit when we realize that things don’t always go our way.
When I was a little kid, I wanted to be a police officer. I had the plastic Police Academy badge on a blue canvas wallet (also from the franchise) complete with an ID card with my photo attached. It was cool and I was so proud of it that I put it in my front pocket everywhere I go.
Sounds embarrassing to share this story right now but at that time, it was nothing but pride. I probably didn’t realize it at the time, but it was clear that I wanted to be a police officer because it is aligned with my value to be brave to help others in need. But as a child, all I wanted to do was to flash my badge and say “Freeze” so I can catch the bad guy.
But of course, growing up, catching the bad guy is more trickier than showing off the gun shaped with interlaced fingers. Moreover being brave. I realized there may be violence, possible retaliation, rigorous and selective training and long working hours. Upon realization and as I grew older, I resorted to what makes more sense, more normal, work a 9–5 in front of the computer. It was not an easy job but it makes good money and utilizes my strategic and analytical skills.
As adults, we often do not take the courageous step to reach out for the work that we desire. Or for the things we want or need. I am not judging you or myself for this. I think it’s normal and natural that as we grow up, the concept of authenticity changes. When we were children, it is authentic to say that we want to be an astronaut, and as an adult, it would be authentic to be a project manager. Or perhaps to continue pursuing to become who you want to become. What’s important is, how brave are you to say what you want or who you want to be?
Or, are you often clouded with fear when trying to share what you want? Do you sometimes think about what you want to say when someone asks you what you want to be in the next 5 years? Are you afraid you will lose a friend, or get perceived differently when you answer with something un-common? Do you feel regretful that you have not been able to do or get what you’ve always dreamed of?
Here are the 3 most common reasons why we (as adults) do not pursue our passion:
(1) We are afraid to be judged. When we were children and we tell someone that we wanted to be an astronaut, we said it because it was the truth and we didn’t think of the possibility that the person who asked would have laughed at us, or tell us that impossible. We were so pure in heart that we answered because we had only one intention, to share something that we want, something that we envisioned, a desire. But as an adult, we often are caught with the many different possible answers that someone may say, when we say the truth. “That’s impossible” or “Isn’t it really difficult?”, or the most common “Wow, that’s awesome (fill the awkward silence here)”. You just know they think you’re crazy when you say that you want to make a million dollars making DIY videos for YouTube.
- What can we do about it: Focus on the present. Our fear of what others may think is anxiety caused by what may happen in the future. But anxiety does not live in the present. Focus on what you want, what you desire, why it is important for you in this particular moment and don’t let what you or others may think, impact how you feel in this moment.
(2) We are afraid to fail. Some of us have the courage to tell someone in the face that we don’t care what they think, or to have the determination fueled up by someone else telling us it’s impossible. But for most of us, our biggest enemy is ourselves. We are afraid we would fail, or we would attain it and realize that it is not what we want.
“There is no courage without fear”
This is a quote that I just recently heard from the latest release of Disney’s Mulan. We often don’t realize that it’s ok to be afraid. Only when we are afraid is when we get the opportunity to become courageous.
- What can you do about it: Baby steps. I am often most courageous when I am in the flow. As Seth Godin puts in in his latest book “The Practice”, flow comes when we are in motion. When I am doing something (even the littlest thing) towards my goal, I am in the flow and in that moment, I feel courage. I am not afraid to fail because I am not making a leap of faith, just a step closer to my goal. You can do it too.
(3) We think that we have to do it alone. We think that when we want something or on the process of attaining a goal, that we have to do it all alone. We believe that we are the only one with the idea, the desire, the goal and we need to get there with our own two hands. Nobody can help us or it won’t be an achievement. This is a myth.
Together we go far and together, the journey becomes more enjoyable. If the people you are talking to are non-believers, stop converting them into believers.
But instead, look for your cheerleaders, those who would support you and push you and encourage you to reach what you want in your life.
“Perfectionism is not about being perfect”. Perfectionism is about fear of being judged and fear of failure. Do not feel that you need to be doing it alone or it won’t be perfect. Focus on excellence in your own work instead and get as many help as you can to get you there.
- What can you leverage for this: Social media. If there is one thing that social media can be of great use, among all the attention and happiness grabbing that they do, connection is something that they are very good at. It is so easy with social media to connect to other people through communities. I am not a Facebook fan (I don’t even share anything anymore on my “wall”) but I acknowledge how powerful Facebook Groups is to connect with other people of similar interest and common goal. To support, to cheer and to encourage one another. Go find it.
The good news from all this is that everything that is in your way to reach your desire is within yourself. All you have to do is change your perspective. Look at things differently. Change what you believe and see if there’s a different way to look at it.
Believe.
Focus in the present.
Take baby steps.
Connect.
Everything that you want, have or need is within you.
As we wrap up 2020, maybe some of us have a taste of what it would be like to have a side hustle, to explore a new hobby, but maybe some of us have also had the opportunity to experience hardship that teaches us something about ourselves and the possibility we can be. The pandemic in combination with the most anticipated year of alignment have shown us so much. It has shown us a glimpse of what it can be to have something different.
We are all given the gift of perspective this year.
Let’s use this gift to better ourselves and the people around us. What did you learn from the pandemic and the year of 2020? Tells us in the comments below.
Let’s use this new perspective to help us reach our true desire. That itch that we want to share, that we think is silly, impossible or simply … scary. Tell the world about it and take one baby step to connect with other people that can get you closer to it.
Why take the risk when I live a happy normal life now? Do it …
- Because you deserve it
- Because you can
- Because it’s within you
There is only one you and your desire is unique to the one and only you.
Nobody will have the same exact desire as you. Your final goal may look the same as others, but the intention, the reasoning, the experience that started desire, and the journey that you will go through will be unique only to you.
Your desire is precious and need to be cultivated because only you can do it. Nobody else can have it the same as you do. Even if someone has the same exact goal as you and have attained it first, it is still not your desire.
Your desire is for you. It is a gift you give to your inner child. The one who said they want to be a (insert your childhood dream here). If you won’t pursue your desire for you, do it for him/her.
