3 Things I Learned From Getting Fired
In the middle of a Sprint Planning meeting I received a meeting invite from my VP with the title “Discuss testing progress”.
Seems pretty common right? I thought that maybe he wanted to know what was the latest process implementation between me and my manager and what we have been doing together to improve the testing initiative in the company.
In the back of my head, I did also wonder. Why did he only include me but not the rest of the testing team? But I rationalized that perhaps this was a new project that he wanted me to take on together with my manager.
My manager and I have not been in great shape. She was hired 2 months after me and we didn’t agree on a lot of things.
There were many misunderstandings, frustrations and arguments on what we discussed, agreed upon and thought we knew. After all, we’ve both only been there for less than 6 months. In truth, none of us really knew the right answer, let alone the “right” thing to do.
But I digressed. What really happened on that meeting was a shock.
I was axed. Terminated. Fired.
The reason why I was called on a meeting in the middle of a meeting was for my manager to hand me a “termination letter” to my “employment at will”. I didn’t really know what it meant to have a “employment at will” contract until that day.
According to Wikipedia,
In United States labor law, at-will employment is an employer’s ability to dismiss an employee for any reason (that is, without having to establish “just cause” for termination), and without warning,[1] as long as the reason is not illegal (e.g. firing because of the employee’s race, religion or sexuality).
Meaning, you may get fired from your job out of a surprise, without warning. without justifiable reason and unfortunately without any effort to rectify what you did wrong. Which is not the type of surprise that we like to get, especially during these difficult uncertain times.
But how did this happen?
According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of office politics is
often disapproving
: the activities, attitudes, or behaviors that are used to get or keep power or an advantage within a business or company
We have all heard of office politics and we are all trained (from our own experiences) to protect ourselves from it.
But I think the reason I was terminated was because, I denied that office politics actually existed.
Maybe you think I was careless for denying such an obvious and common condition in the office. But after 10 years in a consulting firm, 6 years managing 2 of my own businesses and 10 years of raising 2 children, I have decided that the only power that I can control within a business, a company or in a family is my own perspective. I refuse to think that there are people who will do whatever they can to get or keep power to their own advantage. And be successful at it.
When I owned my own business, whether it was the 1st CrossFit gym in the country, or a humble preschool in an emerging part of town, I learned a thing or two about power.
I learned that the easiest way to get power, is to give it to yourself.
I chose to open my own business because I wanted to have power. The power to make my own decisions, the power to create my own schedule, and the power to make my own money. What I didn’t know was that the satisfaction from having power does not come from the things that we accomplish. It’s not your decisions, the schedule that you have or the money that you make that gives you the satisfaction of having power.
It is how you feel about yourself at the end of the day.
I have encountered many days when I feel dissatisfied by the end of the day in which resulted in putting in more hours. This happened because I was using the wrong success measure. My satisfaction comes from within. From knowing that I did everything that I can today and the rest is up to God, the Universe, and that, can be done tomorrow.
Power cannot be reached or kept. It can only be realized from within.
Hence, my disbelief in office politics.
I treated my day to day activities and achievements the same way. I did the best I could every day to deliver the work up to the level of quality that I am satisfied with. I didn’t have the urge to have to prove myself or to plug in extra time within the day to make sure that people knew I was working. I knew I was working because I was pumping out results and moving my work closer to the end of the sprint. I didn’t have to get or keep the power of my role, I know I already have it.
However, not everyone realizes or believes in this concept of power. Many still believe that the harder they work, the more people they convince, the more they “show their work”, the longer they can keep this power. I believe that being in this environment is what got me … fired.
It is safe to say that getting fired a few weeks ago was one of the most devastating thing that has happened to me in the past 5 years. I could feel my heart pumping, my hands getting cold and the difficulty of taking a deep breath as I cleaned up my desk and walk to my car. I wasn’t even sure if I was fit to commute home, if it weren’t for the 5-minute Meditation app that I had on my phone.
Many don’t realize this, but getting fired from your own job whether after 5 months or 5 years takes a toll on our mental health. The message tells us that we did something wrong, that we didn’t belong and we are punished for it. The only thing that you can do for yourself is to support and comfort your own. Go out of your way to do the thing that makes you feel good about yourself, about your body and about what you have done. Talk to people who can give you support, hold off on the ones that don’t. And give yourself time, free time, to return to who you really are.
Here are 3 Things I Learned From My Most Recent Work Termination:
1. Have No Shame.
Have you heard of the story about the man who lost his job and out of shame, decided to get on a subway across town to a coffee shop to apply for jobs, just so that he doesn’t have to bear the shame of telling his own wife? It’s from one of Brene Brown’s books. Well I decided that the first thing I’m going to do when I got home was to tell my wife. Why? I decided that out of everything that has happened to me, there is one thing that I need: support. Support from the people I love and support from myself. And you can’t get support from people if you don’t first let them know about your situation. Be kind to yourself if you realize that you don’t have the support from your self on the day you got fired. I didn’t, so I made sure I got support from my wife, my friends and my family. So I told them, “I got fired today”.
2. Be Kind to yourself
The number one person that can help you get through a work termination is your self. Ward off all the negative thoughts that projects guilt (should haves), shame and hatred (revenge). Instead, convert it into gratitude (what you have), self-compassion and kindness. Take some time off and focus on your self. I took a long bath, meditated and had a nice peaceful meal by myself before I went over to tell my wife at the in-laws. The first person that needs to be okay with all this is you. So take care of you first.
3. Have Faith.
The next day and for the rest of the week after I received news, I volunteered at my son’s school where I met the moms and dads who was there contributing their time to help raise money for the school. None of them talked about what they do, nor did they ask me. All they wanted to know was about the most important thing in each of our lives, our family. We talked about our children, the struggles we have in common but most importantly, we also talked about our faith. Our faith in God and how he always shows the way. Faith will never keep us stranded because faith keeps us moving forward. Take some time for your self to drop all your negative thoughts. Be kind by using kind words to your self. Take it easy and move forward. Have faith that the next thing will be the next best thing.
In addition to the 3 key learnings above that I have learned about myself and what I can do to help shift my perception from shame to acceptance, I also realized a few different things.
I realized that it is important to pay attention to the employment offer that you are signing into. Don’t be afraid to ask questions about the company culture and the work culture before you sign the offer letter. In my case, everything was explained well with full flexibility until a new manager was assigned to me. So be open to the possibility that a restructure may happen and wrinkles may be created and a revisiting your roles and responsibilities may be necessary.
Here’s a few other things that I learned post my termination episode:
- Employment at will. When I read this on my offer letter, I thought to myself “Isn’t it obvious?”. Of course I am accepting this offer with the willingness to take up employment and that when I am unhappy, I could resign. I’m sure they would respect that. What I didn’t think much of was how hard it could have gone the other way. My employer could also terminate my employment at their own will without disclosing the actual reason on paper. We can all hope that the company we work for has the culture that allocates an HR representative to listen to what you have to say, but for some companies, it may be easier to just terminate and recycle. I was terminated 3 days before the new tester’s 1st day. This is just the cold hard truth.
- Unemployment Benefits. I am lucky to have an emergency fund, helpful friends and family and a stable job. Until this happened. I never thought I would be the type of person that will claim for Unemployment Benefits. Boy I was wrong, and judgmental. We all have our flaws. Unemployment Benefits are valid for any and all work situations. Whether you got fired, got reduced hours or laid off, Unemployment Benefits is for you. You don’t have to feel ashamed or less than others because you applied for it. The government has it available for you because they want you to be able to live and feed yourselves and your family while you are in between jobs. Truly, that’s the space you are in. Just between.
From everything that has happened and out of each one of them, there is one thing that I realized. I am grateful. I am grateful that even though a company and an individual decided that I no longer belong in their organization, I belong within my family, my friends, my neighbors and most importantly within my self. I accepted what happened to me and I accepted myself for who I am. I used the opportunity between jobs to volunteer, to see family and to slowly share to everyone the story of what happened for me.
Because truly that is the only thing we can do for ourselves.
Accept and be grateful.
