Everything you ever want, have or need is right here inside of you.
Black Friday. That’s where it all starts.
My wife’s fingers swiftly taps and scrolls while balancing her phone on her palms. Her other hand is stirring the noodle soup in concentric circles as my daughter awaits for her breakfast. With her elevated multi-tasking skills she is making lunch while at the same time creating her …
Wish list.
I don’t have any experience being with a big family. But if you do or is married or in a relationship with one, you would know that Christmas time is an extra busy time. My wife has 4 siblings, double the amount that I have and wish list is the one thing they all do as Christmas approaches. And everything seems to start on Black Friday, when all the pricing comes tumbling down.
In my family, having a surprise was always the cherry on top of receiving a birthday or Christmas present. I am not here to say that this is better than creating a wish list because my wife’s method has stood the test of time during this pandemic.
But the demands of shopping and gifting is all the same. We want to give the best gift that the recipient will appreciate. Don’t get me started with the kids’ present. We are extra careful not to get a tantrum for Christmas morning.
Gifting is actually not much different than attempting to reach a goal. They both come from an intention to give love. We give presents because we love them and we give ourselves a goal because we love ourselves. In December, we want to give both. It can get overwhelming when we have trouble finding the right gift for our family, friends, and for ourselves. We are often stuck thinking that December is the only (or best) time to give and achieve. Some of us have a clarity as to what they are, but they are all often mumbled jumbled and jam packed into the last 30 days of the year.
Christmas and the end of the year is both the same and different for all of us. There are some who don’t even get to experience the wonderful time of the year because they are in financial hardship, let alone homeless, or sad because they are left alone, neglected and abandoned. And there are also those who continues the same family tradition year by year. But I feel that Christmas is hard for most of us because we forget what it is all about.
“Maybe Christmas (he thought) doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas perhaps means a little bit more.” — The Grinch
I don’t have to remind you about this story and it is not my intention to remind you that Christmas is not about presents. Just like Jim Carrey realizes in the Dr. Seuss story, The Grinch reminded everyone (and himself) that Christmas has nothing to do with presents. It is about accepting who you are and accepting others into your community.
In this Christmas pandemic, it is important that we also acknowledge the additional part of the movie that is the turning point of everything.
“And what happened, then? Well, in Whoville they say — that the Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day. And then — the true meaning of Christmas came through, and the Grinch found the strength of*ten Grinches, plus two!” — The Grinch
In the midst of a pandemic, we often find ourselves living a little bit like the Grinch. We wake up in our own home, do our chores, go to work, make our calls, spend time with family all in the same place … our house. It is not difficult to forget that we have a belonging outside of our home, because we don’t often see it, feel it and connect with it. And more often than not, we find that we compensate this missed connection with filling ourselves with stuff.
I don’t know about you, but I am surprised by how much more we spend on shopping and dining during the pandemic. When we have nothing to do but be on our phone or our laptop on our downtime, we go nowhere else but Amazon. When we don’t feel like cooking anymore, we utilize the food delivery system to get us fulfilled. With a touch of a button, all of our needs and wants are fulfilled. We often forget that the fulfillment that we need is the kindness that we give to our self.
For me, this is often both the best and worst time of the year. The Christmas cheer, the Christmas tree and the Christmas spirit always brings the best out of me but the Christmas season and the end of year expectation can be lurking in ready to ruin it. We expect Christmas to be a certain way and at the end of the year, we expect ourselves to be a certain way. We want a new car, we want a new house, we want a new relationship or move the relationship to the next step. We often take the last 30 days of the year as the opportunity to finally take the step we have been procrastinating to make.
As we think about what we want or need and plan to take that next step because well … it’s Christmas, let us not forget what we already have. We have a family, we have a home, we have a job, we have transportation, we have access to technology, we have friends and if you don’t have any of that, you will always have your self. Remember that everything that you have is inside of you.
What you have will always be with you. What you want or need may change, but who you are and what you have (your self) will always be with you. And what is inside of you … is your true gift.
Here’s Why:
1. You will never be alone. We are wired as human beings to connect with other people. One of the reasons why the 2020 pandemic has been really difficult for us is because we are wired to shake hands, high five, visit our friends and gather together. But protection from the coronavirus prevents us from doing that. So the thing that has always protected us from being alone, now must be dealt with head on. If we feel uncomfortable being with ourselves, alone, and let alone without any electronics to connect us, then this is our chance to connect with ourselves. Journal, meditate, be nice to yourself. Take a walk, take a bubble bath, watch a feel good movie by yourself. Be nice to that voice inside of you that may say “You’re a loser for doing this”. Tell that voice that you acknowledge the pain of being alone and thank him or her for protecting you from being judged as a loser. Make the self honoring choice and… let it pass. I am not alone. I am spending time with myself.
2. Your life is a marathon, not a sprint. Yes we create new year resolutions even if they are no longer a popular thing to do. Every beginning of the year, we tell ourselves subconsciously that we want to be better this year. This is why we are human. For animals, their year long goal is to find and gather food but different than animals, our life begins as soon as we are fed. After breakfast or sometimes as soon as we wake up, we start listing out our to-do’s and what we want to achieve from inside our head. Beginning of the year, we plan it for the end of the year and end of the year, we look back at how much we have accomplished. Often times, this does not turn out well. We judge what we could have done better. Consider this thought for a moment. What if life, expectations and our goals are not an annual thing. What if life is not one new year resolution after another. What if life is what we do in the present that will change the course of the future.
“What if life is one big long marathon with no end in sight and all you have to do is take one step at a time? Increasing your stride or pace will not get you to the finish line faster, it just gets you more tired.”
At this end of 2020, let’s not focus on where the finish line is, or how fast we can get there, but let’s focus on the movement of our legs as we walk into our lives, the mechanics of our daily routine, the learning muscles that we have grown, the awareness of our breath and the people who are walking with us.
3. You can make your own decisions. This one is close to my heart. On Christmas, I always know what to give to other people in my life but when it comes to me, I struggle. I struggle making a decision that is just for me when it doesn’t involve other people. It could be as simple as what is in my wish list (on Black Friday of course) or as complicated as how we are going to split time between the two sides of the family. The latter is probably one of the things that the pandemic has made easier. But growing up, I often see my parents argue just because of this one decision that needs to be made. And perhaps this programming that I saw from my parents is why I struggle to make a decision for myself on Christmas season or any season. We are not pre-programmed by our parents to make decisions for ourselves. We are often told that making a decision that is solely for our own well being is considered selfish. How many times we call someone selfish or irresponsible because they decided to do something out of character for themselves? We often do that because we don’t know what they are thinking or feeling. And that is the truth by itself.
When we make a decision for ourselves, it is often a decision that is made between you and you. Not between you and your parents, or you and your spouse or your friends, it is a decision that you made yourself because you believe it’s what’s best for you. And you know it. It takes an elevated level of trust within yourself to make a decision that honors you. This is why it is so hard for you to make it.
But this Christmas, as we approach the last weeks of 2020, do yourself a favor. Trust yourself. Trust that whatever decision you make for your self will be a good decision. And even though your brain will tell you multiple combinations and possibilities, know that your brain is only trying to protect you. But even it does not know what the end looks like. You are still the one running the marathon. You are still the one taking the steps. So take it. Make the decision that honors you because even if you don’t have anyone that supports your decision, you will support yourself. When your body and mind feels wrong and you are enveloped with fear, stay a little while. See if its real. If it is, then drop it and pick up the next best thing. But if it’s just fear, let it pass and continue on.
Everything you ever want, have or need is inside of you. Feed it trust, love and kindness and it will give you back everything you ever wanted or needed.
